Y’all. It has been forever.
I have had so many posts swirl around my head, but I usually really do write these during naptime, and ever since third trimester started, Ellie’s naptime is my naptime.
I told my grandma I was tired the other day and she said something like, “You ain’t seen nothing yet, sweetie.” I know she’s right, but I also know that the kind of tired I am in the third trimester and the kind of tired I am because I don’t sleep at night and I chase kiddos around all day are different. That tiredness can be helped by wonderful things like coffee and naps while Nana babysits, this tiredness can only be helped by not being pregnant anymore. That being said, I’m still definitely enjoying pregnancy and am trying to savor these last few weeks as a momma with one baby on the outside.
And now, I guess I just have a few updates that I’ve been meaning to write about, but I just keep falling asleep.
My grandfather passed away shortly after I wrote this post. Early in the morning on Father’s Day, he went to be with Jesus. It wasn’t anything like I imagined– I actually found out about it on the internet. We had kissed him goodbye the night before and gone home to get some sleep, and I woke up to the news on my Instagram feed. It was jarring. And when we showed up at the house he was just gone. And there was an empty bed where he used to be, and the world was going about its Sunday like nothing ever happened. Like nothing ever happened. And I knew that he was finally free, finally with Jesus, but I was still sad. I took my daughter on a walk to the park because don’t you sometimes just need some space when something like that happens? Sometimes when you’re grieving and the world just seems to go faster and faster, don’t you just want to pause and make space? That’s why I walked to the park and sat on the swings that Sunday. To make a little space in that Father’s Day for my grandpa. I’m sure I’m not done writing about this, but that’s all I have to say for now.
I also went to the high-risk doctor to have my ultrasound sometime between when I last wrote and now. In her awesome Long Island accent, the doctor told us that her ultrasound technician had been alerted to look for a lake in my placenta (remember, not a leak, people) and she “didn’t appreciate that at all.” I was kind of confused (again) but it turns out what she meant was that her tech didn’t find anything to be concerned about and after the doc had a look, she agreed. So, thanks be to God, we got out of there with a clean bill of health and as close to 100% certainty you can get that there will be a sweet little girl joining our family in less than two months! We were very grateful to hear that everything looks good. Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray. I have struggled almost daily with trusting the Lord through this pregnancy. He is still at work, and I am so grateful for the story he is writing in our lives today, for the gift of the family he has given us today, and I’m still asking him to help me learn not to worry about tomorrow.
My goal is to be back to writing at least once a week because I really miss it and because I think it’s important. Sometimes the hardest part for me when I fall off like this is getting back up, so now that we got this out of the way, hopefully there will be better things to come. I have a few good ideas– we’ll see what happens.